Choices

Growing up and becoming an adult, one always has choices to make. A choice whether to trust someone or be filled with doubt. Choices to go out with friends or stay home by oneself. A choice to fall in love or guard your heart.

Very rarely do we catch a glimpse as to What Might Have Been had certain decisions not been made. Today, I was fortunate enough to become enveloped with my past. I saw former friends and lovers. I walked the same hallways which shaped the person I have become. I mingled with trusting adults who are anxious as to uncover the inner workings of my soul. 

And I wondered. 

It left me breathless-curious as to what my future might have become had I not made the one (seemingly) simple decision during my junior year to change high schools. 

Choices have consequences, but we often choose to ignore them. We like to bury our head in the present instead of mulling over the past. Today, I was not given that option. For the first time, it feels as if my past is finally becoming interspersed with my present future. 

Therefore, I head you with a warning: choose wisely. One decision could have irreparable consequences, it could leave you with a different future. For one choice could reshape your tomorrow. 

heartsong.

Three little birdies,

Tucked in so tight.

Mama doesn't know their plight,

But she diligently prepares them for flight.

A stretch of their wings,

The birdies begin to sing.

Each song has its own particular ring.

A tune to help them find their king,

A hawk or blue jay or sparrow it will be.

These little birdies will become in sync,

And find out what it means to cling.

But despite their joy and fate,

Each bird will remember their mama's face.

Though the little birds will leave their nest,

Each one deserves a rest,

And will always return to the one who knows them best.  

 

headaches

suffocated by these walls,

robbing me of the joy i feel in all.

i can't explain away,

the heartache i constantly feel to this day. 

ready to leave, please don't ask me to stay.

i'm so tired of feeling this way.

try to trap me by time, 

the clock is constantly ticking.

no amount of control can curb this new itching. 

a dedication to life,

i can't wait to soar. 

stretch my wings and simply explore. 

i constantly feel a sense of wanting more.

therefore, the attempts to pull the strings,

are as silly as they seem. 

for in my power holds the key:

i can always leave-

the older i become, the more i want to be just me.

my head, my head
oh how it aches.
i long for silence, and crave my space.

Nighttime Plea

In the dark of night,

When the quiet settles in:

That's when the darkness begins.

Thoughts and insecurities in a whirlwind,

My head begins to spin and 

All I want is for this nightmare to end.

Seeking solace and prayer

I silently beg for a reminder he's still there-

The boy God loved me enough to share,

Kindly reminds me of my Father's care.

And begs me to become aware,

Of the people surrounding me

Who lovingly beg me not to despair.

His dutiful deed and hopeful plea,

Help me fight strength in the light.

Though I may be weak,

God's guidance I shall seek.

To somehow beat

The oppressive dark of night. 

Messages from the Heart

This must be what all the books and movies are about. 

The incessant wanderings in my mind,

No matter what, can't get him out of my head. 

The way my heart feels empty without seeing him,

Even just a glimpse of him.

My every emotion dependent upon him,

My happiness is his happiness.

His sadness is my sadness.

The way our souls have become so irrevocably intertwined that we finish each other's sentences.

He truly sees the bits of me that I'm ashamed to let anyone else see.

The gory, raw pieces of me.

I feel at peace when he's around.

Just knowing he's near, makes my soul feel safe and sound.

Loving him enough to ignore the screaming flaws, ingrained in us all.

His love enough to break every wall.

This must be what all the books and movies are about. 

Learning Curves

I have learned to find beauty in the simplicity of everyday things,
I have learned to finally open my mind and spread my wings.
I have learned to laugh, even when I am unsure of the right words to say.
I have learned to prance around without care,
I have learned that it's okay to share.
I have learned to love and let my feelings fly free,
I have learned what it means to truly embrace glee.
I have learned to cry over other's lies,
I have learned to take a deep breath and have a slice of pie.
I have learned to relax,
I have learned that it's okay to not be exact.
I have learned to rejoice even when I feel I have no voice.
I have learned to embrace my faults even when it's hard,
I have learned that no one can ever become too marred.

This year has been wrapped in teachings, so much so that I constantly feel I'm reaping. And under the umbrella of grace, this year has helped me find His face.

Reasons to Keep Living

Just in case one of you needed a reminder...

Reasons:

hot bubble baths after a stressful day. smelling books. exploring new thrift shops. looking up big words in a dictionary. a wide, full toothed smile. laughing at the latest romantic comedy. traveling to foreign lands. eating exotic foods. wearing big, ugly sweaters. singing Christmas carols. hiking in the mountains. writing in a journal. attending midnight premieres. enjoying candy canes. watching the sunrise and sunset. crying to release the pain. becoming engrossed by a novel. painting your nails. being kissed by someone who truly cares. watching a child learn to walk. learning how to sew. wearing a beautiful dress. watching a monumental documentary. enjoying a banana split sundae with extra hot fudge. going on drives at midnight. wearing fuzzy socks. running your toes through the sand. the smell of rain. speaking a unique language. having a grand adventure. falling in love for the first time. falling in love for forever. giving the gift of forgiveness. pulling an all-nighter. the first drop of an insane roller coaster. baking cookies. Broadway plays. attending football games. watching Disney movies from childhood. beanies. stuffed animals from a special someone. sleeping with someone you love. cuddling. the euphoric feeling after a good workout. listening to a good 80's song. catching fireflies. catching snowflakes. building gingerbread houses. dancing in the rain. bonfires. realizing a mistake is not the end of the world. poetry. rubbing lotion on smooth skin. eating until you're full. long hugs. discovering a new indie band. coffee with the perfect amount of whipped cream. worn in blue jeans. a double rainbow. scavenger hunts. debates. a loud thunderstorm. baby kittens. joy. hope. dreaming about infinite possibilities. everything.

Because we all need a list like this one sometimes. Stay Strong.