The definition of Freedom

What is freedom?
Is it merely a release?
The slow, all encompassing
Removal of the unpleasantries which
Fill the broken pieces of our souls?
Nay, I say freedom is much more
Than the lackadaisical definition
Come to define this complex term.

Freedom is everywhere.
The whispers of a winter breeze
Humming softly through bare trees.
The warmth of sunshine,
Reaching out and melting one's frozen exterior.
Freedom is a bird's first flight,
The way stars twinkle in the night.
Freedom is everything,
It can even be found in you and me.

Grace Despite the Rain

The warm embrace of my Father
Overwhelms the empty crevices of my soul.
When I worship,
I feel a peace everlasting.
Though I become weary,
My mind burdened with the weight of a thousand suns,
When I run to Him a newness restores my spirit.

Now I'm drunk with His grace,
An overflowing ocean of mercy washes over me.
Times are tough, yet my God is enough.
Soaked in His presence,
I can feel His ever present siren call.
"Follow me little one,
You will find solace in the shelter of My arms."

I turn my face to the wind,
Focus on the voice within.
Shake off the worries and the fears,
Walk into my Father's arms and have Him dry my tears.
When I'm invested in Him,
I feel unable to pretend.
The broken pieces of my life sealed closed,
God's love heals the finite pieces of my secret soul.

Seeing Through His Eyes

The flashbacks start and memories beckon.

I need to remember those whom once held my affection.

Memories play through the haze in my brain,

Hurt that stays like a red wine stain.

A past full of pain,

Nothing ever stays the same.

Full of heartache and shame,

I was anxious to start again in a place

Where hopefully I can stay sane. 

A new school where all things change.

Hope blooms and fear grows,

All the while I try to remember this isn't a show.

Smiling faces greet me,

I can't believe the way they treat me-

Like someone who's worthy of being known.

Infectious laughter fills my aching spirit,

Encouraging messages soothe my soul.

These good times are suddenly making me whole.

A thawing evokes an awakening within,

Making me search to Him within.

Looking my eyes unto the holy throne,

I can see how my despair was just a loan.

He stripped me of all just so I could see,

How His beauty reveals a perfect plan for me.

Somber realizations

A tidel wave of good intentions
Covered up the signs he was in need of intervention.
Optimistic spirit, I refused to hear it-
The concerns of my worried friends.
Blinded by pride,
With the past on my side
I decided to give him another try.
Little did I know,
His motives would soon show.
Clear as a new spring sky,
What I discovered was enough to make me cry and stop to ask "why?"
He lived a charade,
Wouldn't stop until I played the same games.
Sad to see such a waste,
Hopefully next time I'll have better taste.

As soon as it ends,
My heart begins to mend.
Life is filled once again to the brim.
A simple decision,
One filled with righteous indignation
An action I pursue with timidity.
I won't lose my identity
For someone who only wants to steal broken pieces of me.
Sorry I didn't fit into your plan.
This time my life is all about God's hand.
No longer lost out at sea,
Refocus is key.
Someday I hope you will meet,
The person I'm choosing to be.

Head vs. Heart

In a battle of head versus heart

It can be hard to figure out where to start.

There is no clear right or wrong,

Help me to realize someone Greater writes my song.

A wave of desire crashes deep,

Joy beckons me to take this leap. 

Hope this time the feeling won't fade,

Maybe it will stay like ice on a cold winter's day.

A soft little whisper

Begs me to consider 

What if it's not worth the risk?

Swallow my pride,

Refuse to ask why

Instead I take this time to enjoy the ride.

Life is all about surprise.

The war wages on,

which road will I travel upon?

Choosing is the hardest part.

For now, I'll listen to my heart.

Misplaced Identity

Sometimes the message God wants you to hear comes from the people you surround yourself with. Lately, I've been struggling with identity and seeing myself through God's eyes. I often feel worthless, weary, and alone. However, my ever-present friends always remind me (without fail) that I am a daughter of the King: loved without abandon and a treasure. 

Whenever I feel my self esteem take a nose-dive, which is often, I turn toward men to establish my worth. I go from depressed to happy in a matter of minutes if a male gives me even the slightest bit of affirmation. 

Then, when he lets me down (because the only one who will NEVER let me down is Jesus) I become sad all over again. The cycle seems to never end. 

But, what if I could end it? Would I choose to? Am I brave enough to release the clutches of my insecurity?

Recently, I've been struggling with these very thoughts. Today, I have my answer. In the midst of talking to my friends about my latest boy problems, they helped me realize my problem: I was turning to the latest him instead of the omnipotent Him. Instead of seeking for my identity in Christ, I chose to place the power of my identity in my latest love interest. It's time for the cycle to end.

One of my dearest friends sent me this text today and it awakened my spirit to a place of understanding. 

"Sometimes God puts temptations in our life to see if we are faithful enough o him to overcome them. 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.' Although that may be one of the most said verses, if you truly think about it, it's incredible. I don't want your relationship with God to be ruined because of one stupid, high school boy. Your relationship with God is the only relationship that will ever matter. You don't deserve to feel worthless. You are so incredibly beautiful and God created you in his image so how can you be any less than beautiful?"

I finally got it. In order to feel worthy enough, good enough, whole enough, I must first place my identity in Christ alone. That sounds so cliche, however, it is one of the only truths I am sure of in this life. In order to truly feel whole, Jesus must be at the center of it all. Only He can fill the emptiness that seems overwhelming and all-consuming. If I can break the cycle of misplaced identity, so can you.

Memories Awakening

Memories are the bits and pieces that make up the entirety of who we are.
My memories are constant, sporadic reminders of the remnants of my past,
And the whispers of my present, ever constant ebb of endless joy.
A constant memory creeps among my busy brain.
It causes me to feel sorrow and makes me want to exclaim.
A quiet whisper from somewhere deep in my soul.
"What makes you truly feel alive? Do you know what makes you whole inside?"
The answer is a list, a list of infinite bliss.
Pieces of me, snippets of my soul.
A collection of words, strung together with prose,
Someone who offers me a hand to hold,
Laughter to prevent a day from getting old,
Friends who know every inch of my shame and make me recognize the beauty in my name,
A God whom will always be the same, regardless of any mistakes I might have made.
I am thankful for the whisper's yearnings,
Anxious for a reminder of the things that envelop me,
Awaken the innermost pieces of my inner self.
The parts of me I'm unable to put upon a shelf,
Those fragments of myself impossible to put on hold for someone else.
My memories are the ever-changing melody describing the person I have become.
Memories remind me of the snippets of my soul,
The private interactions which make me feel in sync.
A list, a list of infinite bliss.