The pity is the worst part. The selfish looks surveying your entire body, seemingly looking into the essence of your soul. The loneliness is awful too. The gut wrenching realization that after so long, here you are once again, forced to face the same God-awful reflection in the mirror. The sudden awareness after the shock fades that you are once again the same person you once were, equipped with the same insecurities and fighting the same battles.
Does that first paragraph seem bombastic? Filled to the brim with hyperbole? Let me rewind.
It's easy to forget who you are in the arms of another. It's so incredibly simple that people fantasize about it-they even romanticize the idea of placing their identity in the hands of another. But in the end, when the butterflies are gone and the bickering remains, it becomes trying to put on another's face each day. Because who have you become when your identity is wrapped in someone else? Where have your passions, hopes, fears and dreams fled? How does the person in your reflection compare to the individual you have become?
And then it's all over-just like that. All the late night phone calls, adventures, and day dreaming. All of the time spent consumed with one another seems to vanish in a flash, and the person who left you breathless is no more than a memory. You are each individual people again and that adjustment seems a lot harder than necessary.
The recovery. That's what I was referring to at the beginning. The stage of your life after something amazing ends when your heart is preparing space for a new wonder to occur. A new person to make you feel special, beautiful, and loved.
The moment where you realize that you aren't alone is the very best. That moment when you feel your toes tingle for the first time in months, and your soul rejoices with reckless abandon. The moment it hits you for the first time that you are free. You are able to spread your wings and enjoy life to the very fullest, for one day it will all be taken away. The loneliness you feel isn't such a burden anymore, now it is a very precious gift.
Life's too short to be wasted. Embrace every season, every roller coaster ride. Fall in love. Experience heartbreak. Lust. Let every inch of your being be filled with gratitude for times of change. Let yourself live.
